Sometimes you need to let it go. You have to admit you can’t do anything. The thing is that that tought is quite hard for me, because I always believe I can do something. But not this time. The time is going so slowly, and even if it was faster it didn’t matter, because I’m waiting for nothing, not tomorrow, not the day after tomorrow. The time is killing me. I can’t do a thing. There’s only some pain I have to deal with. That’s a really big challenge for me, because this time I have to wait. Patience. Something I don’t have. I can’t sleep at night, can’t read or watch a movie, can’t draw. My mind is only on one place, but it’s like wandering around the whole world. Nothing. Just waiting for the pain to go away and everything be normal. It’s very strange, really, because doing nothing is far away from who I am. I can cry, yes, I can do that and for awhile everything seems to be alwright, but after this, it’s nothing again. Time has stopped for me. I have to try to sleep again, because that’s the only way time can pass faster and go through the pain. Death, death, death. It’s something normal, right, but why then I can’t overcome it? I know why, because I need someone who is not here, and this someone doesn’t even want to see me, so I don’t have a rescuer too. What now? Go to sleep… if I can.
Just relax and stop believeing I can always be strong… , because I’m actally very weak…








